Billie Eilish opens up about her depression

Singer Billie Eilish, who is 17 years old, says her depression began at the age of 13 when a serious hip injury forced her to stop dancing.

“I think that’s when the depression started,” she said in her new cover story for Rolling Stone. “It sent me down a hole. I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”

Between the ages of 13 to 16, the “bad guy” singer said that while her career began to take off, she was at her worst. “When anyone else thinks about Billie Eilish at 14, they think of all the good things that happened. But all I can think of is how miserable I was,” she said.

Eilish also said that before hitting the road for her current tour, she “had a panic attack every single night.”

“I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again,” Eilish said. “It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight. And, I mean, it’s true: There really is no end in sight with touring.” With the looming thought that she will be performing all over the world for the next year, she said that “thinking about that literally made me throw up. I’m not a throw-upper, but I threw up twice, from the anxiety.”

Eilish did add that she is in a much better headspace now and that she hasn’t “been depressed in a minute.” When she sees her young fans self-harming as a way to cope, it breaks her heart. “I don’t have scars anymore because it was so long ago. But I’ve said to a couple of them, ‘Just be nice to yourself.’ Because I know. I was there,” she said.

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