Did Cate and Emily hit it off on our new Blind date?

‘I have three or four lovers… they’re married’: Find out what happened when polyamorous Cate went on a date with monogamous Emily

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Dating Past

I dated men until I was 26, but it never felt right to me. I came out ten years ago and now only see women. The dream is to meet someone to settle down and share my life with.

Pre-Date Nerves?

Yes, I’d been counting down to the date for ten days.

First Impressions?

Cate is so different from the type of woman I’m normally attracted to. I prefer tomboy women and that isn’t Cate — she’s voluptuous. She’s beautiful, with sparkling eyes, a cute chin dimple and a cheerful demeanour. We greeted one another with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Emily says she dated men until she was 26 but it never felt right for her and she came out 10 years ago

Easy To Talk To?

Yes, we both have tricky relationships with our families and that’s down to owning our sexuality.

We talked about monogamy as she knew it was something important to me from my profile.

Cate doesn’t believe in monogamy; she doesn’t see how you can spend the rest of your life with just one person. She might as well have told me she drinks heavily or smokes because those are absolutely non-negotiables for me, too.

I thought she was out to meet a woman, but I got the feeling she doesn’t know what she wants. Cate’s 46, so that surprised me.

Embarrassing Moments?

No, but Cate is very frank; she did say four or five things that made me laugh out loud.

They were a bit outrageous and I laughed before she even finished her sentence as I knew where it was going.

Emily said that she thought Cate would be out to meet a woman, but got the feeling Cate doesn’t know what she wants, which surprised her 

Did Sparks Fly?

I’m attracted to how Cate thinks. She is a passionate woman about so many things. But as for sexual attraction and girlfriend material? No.

See her again?

Cate asked me if we could meet again and suggested we exchange numbers. But I didn’t give her mine — I’m looking for a relationship, and I need a woman who is grounded and not impulsive.

What do you think she thought of you?

Cate liked me more than I liked her. She told me I was beautiful and I think she liked who I am. I suspect that, in her mind, things could work between us.

Cate asked Emily if they could exchange numbers but she didn’t give Cate her number, adding ‘I need a woman who is grounded and not impulsive’ 

Would your friends like her?

I sent her picture to a few friends and the response was unanimous: Cate isn’t my type. But they like that she is funny and outspoken.


Dating Past

I was married to a man for five years in my late 20s, I had another five-year heterosexual relationship that ended when I was 39. 

Since then, I have been working out what kind of relationship I want, and with whom. During lockdown, I recognised that I’m bisexual, although I do prefer women and started dating women in my early 40s.

Pre-Date Nerves?

No, I was curious. I was hoping I’d meet someone gorgeous. I liked the sound of Emily, although I sensed from her profile she has been disappointed by relationships in the past.

Cate says she was married to a man for five years in her late twenties had another five-year heterosexual relationship that ended when she was 39

Vital dating statistics 

Emily, 36

Single for eight months, no children.

CURRENT ROLE: Nanny and aspiring florist.

LIKE TO MEET: A warm, loyal, non-smoking woman, a bit older, with sparkly eyes and good teeth.

Cate, 46

Single for eight long years, three goddaughters I help to parent.

CURRENT ROLE: Backstage manager and producer in the fashion industry.

LIKE TO MEET: A dreamer, not afraid of showing love, sociable and joyful. I’m not looking for someone with young kids

First Impressions?

Emily has a fantastic smile. She is beautiful and I told her so. I got a fantastic welcome too, she stood up and we hugged straightaway. Emily doesn’t drink and is a vegetarian, so I checked she was OK with me ordering steak tartare and a Bloody Mary.

Easy To Talk To?

Yes, we enthused about how much we both love living in London with its incredible arts scene of theatres and galleries. Over our lunch, we discovered we didn’t agree on monogamy.

I don’t believe we’re meant to be with one person only. It’s human instinct to explore. It’s why I have three or four lovers I see a few times a year. They are in relationships or married. They’re men and women and we meet for ‘distraction days’. It’s not cheating.

Embarrassing Moments?


Cate thinks that Emily has a ‘fantastic smile’ and found her easy to talk to as they discussed how much they enjoy living in London

Did Sparks Fly?

There was a bit of flirting here and there, especially when we talked about what we liked in previous relationships. Emily is beautiful but I wished I’d met her in a different situation. I’d have preferred a picnic or a pub lunch.

See her again?

I’d like to, but that’s a question only she can answer. At Emily’s suggestion, we went on for a drink afterwards.

What do you think she thought of you?

I’m a brave, loud woman. The dealbreaker for Emily will be that I’m not 100 per cent convinced monogamy works.

Would your friends like her?

Yes — Emily is super likeable. It’s harder to like me because I tell it as it is.

Cate is ‘not 100 per cent’ convinced that monogamy works and describes herself as a ‘brave, loud woman’

Emily’s verdict: 7.5/10

LIKED? I laughed a lot.

REGRETS? Not knowing Cate’s non-monogamous.


Cate’s verdict: 8/10

LIKED? Good conversation.

REGRETS? Not having a second Bloody Mary.


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