My bit on the side swears her kids are mine – but they look nothing like me
My occasional lover swears I’m the father of her latest kids.
How can I be? I travel all the time with my job, and we have never lived together.
Yet she insists that her chubby twins are mine. I’ve pointed out that they look nothing like me, plus I was out of the country when they were born.
She maintains that all the dates add up because the babies were premature. She says it’s cruel of me to question her because they “need their dad”.
I don’t know what to believe. Her other children were fathered by married men, none of whom are still in her life. I’m the only decent, dependable person she knows – and the only one with any money.
I don’t deny that she and I have had a lot of great sex over the years, some of it unprotected, but I’m convinced she’s pulling a fast one.
This woman lives by her own rules. We first met years ago when she ran a wine bar in town.
I used to take my business clients there and we got chatting. One night she had trouble with a drunk man and I helped to throw him out.
She rewarded me with drinks on the house, and a casual, sexual relationship formed. Over the next few years, we drifted in and out of each other’s lives. She had affairs, kids and dramas, while I travelled the world for my job.
Now I’m back for good and have had this surprise sprung on me. I’m in the process of buying a house with my new (proper) girlfriend.
What will she say if my on/off lover starts demanding maintenance and causing trouble?
JANE SAYS: Keep calm and explain to your on/off lover that you intend to do everything properly and maturely. It’s wonderful that she’s now the mother of two adorable cherubs and you wish her, and them, well.
If they are your children then you will, of course, play your part. You’ll see the children regularly, love and support them and pay whatever maintenance is set.
But make it clear that everything must be above board.
You’re not calling her a liar, but you will insist on proper DNA testing before you go any further.
If the kids are yours, then that won’t be a problem – will it? I suggest you tell your new girlfriend everything now so that there are no secrets or lies.
Again, if you are the father, then she will have to accept that you’re a parent and welcome them accordingly.
Is she interested in being a step-mum? Sadly, if she feels that’s too much for her to cope with, then she’ll have to rethink her role in your life.
I’m confident that with intelligence and application this can be sorted out.
If you’re not the father, then your ex will have to work out who is, so that the children are provided for.
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