Sex with my bisexual lover is out of this world but she won’t break up with her boyfriend – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRE: I AM a single woman who is having a steaming hot affair with another woman, but I worry I’m wasting my time with her.

Two months ago, this woman came to our office promoting her cleaning business.

It seemed a much better deal than the big contractors we were using. I’m the boss’s PA, so it falls to me to sort out things like that.

I called her the next day to come back to the office so we could sort out the contract.

We got on so well chatting about all sorts of things that, on the spur of the moment, I asked her out for a drink the next day.

We met at a pub in the town centre. I am 30 and she is 28 and it was like we had known each other for ever.

We had a great evening and, when we left, she invited me back to hers for one last drink.

When we got inside she shut the door and turned to face me. Neither of us said a word but we fell into each other’s arms and ended up having rampant sex for hours.

The sexual relationship has been going on ever since. She told me she has a boyfriend and that he lives with her but he travels for work and is away most of the time. He is 36.

She insists she is not a lesbian, but all her friends now know about me. She says she enjoys spending time with me and wants to see where this relationship goes.

But she has made it clear that there is no way she will finish with her boyfriend, even though they have hardly seen each other or spoken for at least two months.

She does feel really special to me. Sometimes I think it is worth waiting until she is willing to open up to me emotionally and want an exclusive relationship with me.

Then I wonder whether I am wasting my time waiting for that, because she’s always going to put her boyfriend first.


I OFTEN hear from people worried that the way they like sex is not normal.

Nothing is wrong as long as they are both enjoying it. My leaflet on Kinky Sex Worries can help you find a happy compromise.

For a copy, email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.

DEIDRE SAYS: I don’t think she is refusing to break with her boyfriend because he is the love of her life so much as that she is struggling to admit to herself that she is gay.

It will be damaging to your self-esteem to get stuck being “the other woman” for ever. She probably does want things to stay just as they are but tell her that you are worth more and she has to make choices.

Affairs seldom stay secret for ever and chances are her boyfriend will find out sooner or later. That could get very messy and hurtful. Being bisexual is no excuse for cheating.

If she needs support to come out – or someone to talk to – she can contact Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline (, 0300 330 0630).

Set yourself a time limit – maybe three months – and move on if she hasn’t committed to you by then.

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