This dodgy grading was Taylor-made to fail… and those dunces knew it
ON Monday, the drummer from Queen popped up on our screens to apologise for the A-level results fiasco.
OK, it’s actually a different Roger Taylor that heads up Ofqual but, quite frankly, the man who belted out the beat to Another One Bites The Dust, Hammer To Fall, and Under Pressure (oh, the irony) might have made a better job of being in charge of this year’s non-exams.
Particularly as the Ofqual knew full well that using algorithms to make decisions on the future of young people was always going to be dodgy.
How did he know this? Because last year he led a study which warned that, er, using algorithms to make decisions rather than humans had the potential to cause “real harm” when making “important decisions about people’s lives”.
And so it came to pass. Worse, Ofqual and the Government knew full well this train wreck was coming because they saw it hit the buffers in Scotland the week before.
Yet just a few days ago, Education Secretary Gavin Williamson gave a guarantee that the same thing would not happen in England. And these are supposed to be the experts. Duh. Pass the dunce’s cap.
When the Scottish results came out, it was clear that the “standardisation” system of using algorithms meant the school as a whole was being judged on last year’s results, rather than the efforts of individual pupils.
FEEL FURIOUS
Which, as I wrote last week (perhaps I should be Education Secretary?) meant that “outliers” — i.e. those kids who, despite attending a failing school, are self-motivated enough to study hard and do well in their exams, are penalised.
Remember that feeling when a small group of troublemakers were playing up in class and, unfairly, you all got punished for their bad behaviour? Same thing.
It affects pupils like “heart-broken” Francesca Ward, of Chingford, North East London, who lost her place at medical school after all her three A-level results were downgraded by the algorithm.
“I attended a non-selective school and have worked exceptionally hard to achieve my dream of studying medicine at university . . .
"I was sure all the long nights would be worth it. It would seem I was wrong,” she wrote in a letter to the Sunday Times.
Some who were predicted As (based on evidence, not plucked out of thin air) were given a U — the grade you get when you write “rhubarb, rhubarb” on the paper or don’t turn up at all. Soul-destroying.
Now, thanks to the Government’s dramatic U-turn, they face the arduous task of trying to re-secure their place at popular universities that are now full.
Yesterday, the hapless Mr Williamson said he had “moved swiftly to re-move the student numbers cap” on universities so they could take in more.
In other words, he’s expecting them to fix his mess with seemingly little comprehension of exactly where these extra students will be housed. What an unholy, unforgivable, wholly avoidable mess.
I pity the blighted Class of 2020 who were robbed of the chance to prove what they could do, then robbed again of that glorious rite of passage when the end of exams gave way to a summer of prom parties and celebratory trips to the teen meccas of Magaluf and Malia.
MONUMENTAL COCK-UP
And then many of them had to open an envelope and find that the grade predicted by their teacher had been downgraded by an algorithm that robbed them of their university place.
Their palpable dis-tress does not make them “the snowflake generation”, as some churlish types have suggested online.
This monumental cock-up now being kicked around as a political football (“Success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan”) affects their future and they have every right to feel furious.
If only the “experts” had opted to treat 2020 as an anomaly and refer to 2019 as the standardisation model for the 2021 exams, then hard-working kids such as Francesca wouldn’t now be scrabbling around trying to salvage their future from the rubble of this disaster.
The only upside is that those receiving their GCSE results tomorrow (my youngest among them) won’t be put through the same wringer.
MIGRANT CRISIS
AUGUST broke the monthly record for migrants crossing the channel, with 1,200 making the trip.
Here’s a group of young men taking a celebratory selfie as they approach the Kent coastline.
Just a hunch, but they don’t look like they’re “fleeing persecution”,’ do they?
Fly — or airlines will all go bust
ON Friday, I posted an Instagram photo of me returning early from a holiday in France to beat the quarantine rule.
Most comments were of the “welcome home” variety, but a select few gave an alarming glimpse in to quite how much people have been heavily influenced by the Government’s initial “stay home” message and are too scared to come out.
According to some, by going on holiday (totally legally, I might add) I had “set a bad example”, was “dumb” and had “put others at risk”.
When I pointed out that I had been staying in an area of rural France where there were zero cases, another replied: “I highly doubt that.” Words fail me.
Another virtue-signalled that they would be waiting until there was a vaccine before they next went on holiday abroad.
To which I pointed out that, if we all collectively take that attitude, there will be no airlines left to take her when she finally decides to go.
If you are vulnerable, then shield yourself. If someone in your family is vulnerable, then they too should shield.
But if the rest of us don’t get back to some semblance of normal life now, then when we finally emerge it will be to an economic wasteland.
GRAVEYARD OF OUR MAKING
The signs are there already. Marks & Spencer is axing 7,000 jobs after seeing a “material shift” in trade during the pandemic, Debenhams has hired a liquidating firm and John Lewis has announced the closure of eight stores.
If these High Street behemoths are struggling to survive, imagine how tough it is for the smaller shops.
Meanwhile, the coast of Dorset has become home to vast “ghost ships” – three of them flagship vessels of Cunard – lying empty when they would normally be full of passengers contributing to the £10billion industry.
Cruises aren’t currently allowed, but flying is and without those willing to do so (be it for business or pleasure), the airlines will be in a graveyard of our making.
When it comes to coronavirus, too many people are confusing the word “cases” with “deaths”. It remains a risk to a minority who should, quite rightly, stay home.
But for the majority – many of whom would experience mild symptoms or none at all – it is imperative that we keep calm and carry on, or the economic fallout will be irreparable.
MEN CAN MULTI-TASK
BAD news I’m afraid, chaps. According to the latest scientific study, you can multi-task just as well as the women in your life.
It just takes practice and the majority (not all) simply choose not to bother.
Meanwhile, the majority (not all) of women choose to enable that choice by engaging in, “oh for God’s sake, give it to me and I’ll do it” behaviour that makes us feel superior but really just plays straight in to your hands. So we’re both to blame, really.
It's just deserts for dad
DEATH VALLEY in northern California has recorded a record temperature of 54.4 degrees (130F).
In 2017, we drove through it in a rented winnebago and even at 48 degrees, it felt unbearable.
When we stopped for a (very) brief wander, The Bloke thought it would be funny to pretend he’d collapsed in the heat.
So he lay at the bottom of the steps and awaited the return of our three daughters.
Naturally, they simply stepped over him without comment and rushed inside for the aircon and a drink.
SMARTER PHONES
BY JUDGING how we walk while carrying them, smart phones may soon be able to tell us when we’ve had one too many.
Yikes, no thanks. Don’t we already have our other halves to tell us that?
Nicole on ride track
A PUFFED Nicole Kidman has been spotted hopping in to a golf buggy for a ride home at the end of her morning jog.
Still, at least she managed a few miles on foot.
After weeks of lockdown inertia, I’d need the buggy from start to finish.side for the aircon and a drink.
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