Is it time to rethink our idea of the ‘perfect’ wedding dress?

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Ever since photos leaked from the filming of the second season of And Just Like That (AJLT), Sex and the City’s not-quite-a-reboot, fans have known the gown from Carrie Bradshaw’s first, ill-fated wedding to Mr Big in the franchise’s 2008 film adaptation would make a reappearance. The only question was how, and why?

In last Thursday’s AJLT premiere, we finally got the answer. Invited to the Met Gala with her friends – a storyline as implausible as Anna Wintour announcing an early retirement – Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is forced to save the day when her gown, made by an up-and-coming designer who also happens to be the wife of her colleague, literally comes apart at the seams.

Couture comeback … Sarah Jessica Parker, as Carrie Bradshaw, during filming of And Just Like That.Credit: Getty

“I might have something,” Carrie tells Storm, the designer, after some hesitation. “I’ve only worn it once. It’s not the best memory.”

You can guess what happens next. Out comes the Vivienne Westwood dress and bird headpiece, a perfect match for Storm’s teal cape – the only part of the outfit that escaped her sewing-machine meltdown. Crisis averted.

“And just like that, I repurposed my pain,” Carrie says, before the closing credits roll.

Carrie doesn’t specify what pain she is repurposing. Losing her husband (he died in episode one of the first season)? Or being jilted? Still, the scene highlights the enormous weight society places on the ideal wedding dress, and the baggage they carry when things don’t end happily ever after.

Wearing the Vivienne Westwood gown in the Sex and the City: The Movie, with (from left) Kristin Davis, Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon.Credit: Getty

We have been conditioned to believe that a wedding gown is the most important garment a person, usually a woman, will ever wear. Brides spend months, and often thousands of dollars, pursuing the perfect dress (or dresses, such is the trend for multiple outfits) for their perfect day. And all this for an item they will likely only wear once, despite what we often tell ourselves.

But maybe, for the planet as much as our sanity, it’s time we reevaluate our relationship with the wedding dress as a symbol. Perhaps, if we thought more about these things before we get swept up in what the “perfect” dress should look like, we would make different choices, even ones that we could wear again.

The first time I married, when I was 28, the search for the perfect dress was all-consuming. Although the marriage lasted only five years, the dress still hangs in the closest of my mother’s spare room, like a shrine to an earlier version of myself I no longer recognise. In the 15 years since my wedding day, my style has changed, but so have my values.

In planning my second wedding, set to take place some time next year, I am trying to block out the “Who will you wear?” noise coming from my friends and family. It’s a natural question for a fashion editor, but one I am trying to answer with my beliefs, rather than the insecurities that often guided my decision-making in my 20s.

Will I buy new or vintage? Could I rent? Should I opt for a colour, so I’ll be more likely to wear it again? What do I want the dress to say about me, my partner and our family? And does any of it matter – like really matter – so long as everyone has a good time?

What I’ve realised is that there are no right or wrong answers. What matters more is the idea of conscious consumption above all else. That way, the dress is just another cobblestone on the road to the marriage, rather than a destination in itself.

I hope Carrie would agree.

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