Kelsey Parker on life after Tom: Theres no handbook to being a widow at 32 – Im learning to live again

“In the depths of darkness, you can still find positivity, somewhere.” That’s the message Kelsey Parker wants readers to take away from her debut memoir.

Kelsey Parker: With And Without You is a no holds barred account of living with grief, and it details the final years she spent with the love of her life, the late Tom Parker, who passed away at the age of 33 in March 2022.

While it’s an incredibly emotional autobiography full of poignant memories and tough battles following her husband’s 2020 diagnosis with glioblastoma [an aggressive brain tumour], the ultimate message is that even during the hardest moments of your life, you dig deep to find something to be positive about.

“I don’t think going to see a counsellor is right for me. I’m useless at that,” Kelsey exclusively tells OK! “But writing the
book has actually been therapy for me. I read it back and take in the fact that this has actually been my life. Especially when Tom was ill. I was so consumed with fighting for the next day and moving forward. Getting all this down on paper has made me realise what my life has been like for the past three years. It’s been really tough for me.”

Losing your husband at 32 is something no one should have to face. But Kelsey, who has two children, Aurelia, four, and two-year-old Bodhi, with The Wanted’s Tom, tries to put a positive spin on everything – even her husband’s death. Including, in one particularly moving chapter of her autobiography, the
moment the singer passed away.

“It was magical – he didn’t die in pain,” Kelsey, now 33, explains. “It was like his soul was ready to leave him and go somewhere else. It was so special to watch. It wasn’t like he was struggling or anything like that. He looked amazing and he just passed over.”

While losing Tom at such a young age to glioblastoma was, sadly, highly likely following his diagnosis, it was something he and Kelsey never discussed. They couldn’t comprehend the fact that it would end that way, because throughout his battle with cancer they were both determined to fight it. They dubbed themselves “The Positive Parkers”, with Kelsey on a mission to do whatever she could for her husband.

“My friend said there was no stone unturned for Tom and I went to the ends of the earth to try and save him,” she recalls. “I flew a Spanish doctor over to see him. There was nothing I couldn’t do or wouldn’t have done for him. You get that from the book – that I did everything. He was my absolute world, my everything and I wanted him to live in this world with us.”

In another passage she mentions that she and Tom never discussed his wishes for a funeral.

“I think people were quite shocked by that,” she says. “In our minds there was no funeral. He was always going to survive. He couldn’t go there with those thoughts, so we never went there and that was it. He knew I’d plan it anyway,” she adds.

As well as discussing Tom’s determined fight against the disease and ultimately losing him, she also opens up about the emotional tsunami that followed.

“There’s no guidebook to grief. Grief won’t ever leave me; it won’t go away. I’m never going to wake up one day and go, ‘Oh, Tom who?’ I’m learning to live around my grief. It won’t get bigger, it won’t get smaller, it’s just going to remain the same until I die.”

To keep herself busy, Kelsey has her adorable children to look after. In one chapter, she contemplates the fact Aurelia and Bodhi are unlikely to have memories of their father – but she’s hellbent on keeping his legacy alive.

“He’s still very present in the house. His pictures are everywhere. We’ve still got his book [Hope: My Inspirational Life] out and his records up. We talk about him every day. Aurelia said to me just recently, ‘You’ve always put me to bed.’ And I said, ‘No, Daddy used to put you to bed.’ And I was telling her how Daddy used to look after her. Bodhi is just a mini version of Tom. He’s been wearing his cap back to front, which was Tom’s signature fashion statement, and his personality is so much like Tom’s. He really just makes me laugh.”

Already following in their talented parents’ footsteps – Kelsey is a trained actress and runs a performing arts school – the siblings are showing promise for a career in the spotlight. Particularly Aurelia.

“I don’t want to be that pushy parent, but even when Tom was alive, he would say, ‘Kels, she can sing in tune, not many kids that age can sing in tune,’” she says. “She loves to perform. She’s just naturally gifted and so is Bodhi.”

Acting is another subject touched on in Kelsey’s memoir – she reveals she was once a student at the acclaimed Italia Conti academy of performing arts in London. She also had small roles in EastEnders and Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban.

“I would love to get back into acting,” she tells us. “For me, I wanted to start a family and be there for Tom more, so
it took a backseat. But I was born to perform, I’ve done it since I was five. That’s what’s nice about the book –
people don’t know that side of me.”

Of her role in Harry Potter, where she played a Hufflepuff student, Kelsey laughs, “The Harry Potter film is one that definitely resonates with the kids. They’ll say to their mates, ‘My mum was in Harry Potter.’ So that’s pretty cool.”

As she navigates the trials and tribulations of life without her husband, naturally Kelsey has found herself feeling lonely at times – particularly in the evenings when the children have gone to bed. Seeking comfort and companionship, she began a relationship with builder Sean Boggans, who she met at a wedding last summer.

And while it was reported that they split in April, Kelsey tells us they’re “still on really good terms” and “see each other a lot”.

“Sean’s been amazing in this whole situation because he comes from a different place,” she says. “We’re still seeing each other.”

So, are they romantically involved?

“I don’t know,” Kelsey replies. “It’s a progression really. Who knows where it will lead…”

Nevertheless, it’s clear Sean has helped Kelsey through some hard moments and feelings of isolation in times when her family and friends aren’t around her.

“Sean’s been there for me when other people can’t be there for me,” she says. “He’s been absolutely amazing. He doesn’t treat me like a widow – he treats me like a normal person and I’m grateful for that.”

There’s no doubt she’s been at the receiving end of some very unsolicited opinions about her new relationship – but she brushes them off as best she can.

“I’ve sort of put myself in a position where people are entitled to opinions,” she says. “I just think, ‘Let people have their opinions.’ There’s no handbook on grief or how to be a widow. It’s just ridiculous. Everybody is different
and we were taught that throughout Tom’s treatment.”

However, she is keen to stress one thing: “Tom is irreplaceable. There will never be another Tom Parker in my life.”

Looking to the future isn’t something on Kelsey’s mind either. Tom’s taught her it’s all about living “for today”. But right now, she’s grateful to have written a book so that her children can read about their parents when they’re ready.

“I’ve done it for Aurelia and Bodhi – how cool that both their parents are published authors! When they get older, they can read the books and get a sense of mine and Tom’s relationship. And I definitely think that’s what you draw from my book. Tom was my everything.”

Kelsey Parker: With And Without You (published by Mirror Books, RRP £20) is on sale Thursday

Source: Read Full Article