I have five children under 10

In my head, it seemed like the perfect plan. The sun was shining, I’d bought a ridiculous amount of safety equipment and our bikes were newly polished. Surely, taking the kids to ride at a local park would make for a fun afternoon?

But no, as always, the day ended up feeling like a disaster. Tempers were lost, kids annoyed each other and nobody was willing to smile for the photo.

Having five kids in five years wasn’t something I’d planned on. When my daughter, Lily, was born in 2010 after IVF, my husband Ray and I decided we’d try one last time for a sibling. 

We were lucky: twins Tim and Joe came along after fertility treatment in 2012. Then it was as if my body had been kick-started. Despite being told we were infertile, we conceived again naturally – twice – in quick succession.  When my youngest, Robbie, was born in 2015 I became a mum of five children under six.

During our infertile years, I’d had to watch my friends turning into parents on Facebook and felt jealous of their cute pictures of chocolate-covered faces and depictions of family fun.

I wanted those perfect family times for myself.

Sadly when my babies eventually came along it was with a side-order of depression – meaning the early years weren’t exactly a blast. But in 2016 when the mists of postnatal depression began to clear, I was determined to make the most of my family.

But days that seemed idyllic in my head turned out to be chaotic in reality. Finding an activity that all five wanted to do at once was close to impossible and the most carefully planned trips out or activity sessions would end with stamping feet, temper tantrums and arguments. (The kids sometimes played up too).

On that spring day in 2016, our little biking adventure started off well – the kids enjoyed whizzing down the hill, their stabilisers rattling in protest. But as usual, after ten minutes or so sulks ensued – some asking to go home, others begging to stay.

Before we left, I’d hoped to get a lovely picture of my brood against the lush backdrop of the meadow. But it wasn’t to be. Lily, then six, refused to smile. Evie, then two, wasn’t sure which way to look. Robbie, my youngest, chuckled on regardless.

It didn’t make for a great photo, but it was a moment of realisation. It was impossible to please five kids with their own likes and dislikes, energy levels and developing personalities simultaneously. If I actually wanted to create some fun memories, I had to let go of the fantasy that anything was ever going to be perfect.

With kids there is no such thing as a perfect day. There may be a perfect moment – a second where all seems right with the world, when the children are laughing together, or running, or spinning each other on a roundabout.

But these instances are intersected with times when you’re having to change someone’s pants for the fourth time that day, or clean a bloody nose, or have someone grimace when you place a carefully prepared meal in front of them.

Giving in to the fact that the best laid plans of mums and dads will almost always go awry doesn’t mean giving up.

I still plan. And deep down, I still want things to be perfect. But I now realise that for every Instagrammed picture of children baking with mother, there’s a dozen unphotographed moments of licked fingers stuck into mixture, frazzled mums trying to get hands washed and cocoa being spilled all over the kitchen tiles.

And it’s OK. Children need experiences, good and bad. Arguments with siblings help them to deal with conflict in the future. Learning when to own up, when to help and how much teasing is too much is an important part of growing up.

Family life may not be perfect, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be fun.

Gillian’s debut novel debut novel ‘Everything is Fine’ is out now.

My Life Through A Lens

My Life Through a Lens is an exciting series on Metro.co.uk that looks at one incredible photo, and shares the story that lies behind it. If you have an experience you would like to share, please email [email protected] with MLTAL as the subject.

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