Lockdown has made us feel like we're newly dating again

Just a few weeks ago my long-term boyfriend and I were talking about finally moving in after 18 months together – but then the lockdown was announced.

Now, we’re going on virtual dates and making nervous small talk again like we did in our first flushes of love – what happened?!

Usually people meet online before taking their relationship to real life face-to-face levels, but it’s just as hard to go from seeing each other everyday, to unexpectedly becoming Houseparty pals overnight.

While every partnership goes through tests, whether it’s something crushing like an affair or a minor argument about him leaving the toilet seat up, the chances are, you or someone you know has been through it. But there’s no rulebook titled ‘How to Keep The Spark Alive During a Pandemic’… I’ve checked.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve found myself seeing my phone light up with a message from my boyfriend and thinking ‘leave it for a bit, you don’t want to text him back straight away’, as if we we’d only just started dating and I don’t want him to consider me too keen.

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Before lockdown I wouldn’t even think twice about replying so I have no idea why I’m being so ridiculously hesitant!

But it’s not just the texting that’s changed between us. Gone are the days when we would call each other to talk about what we’re cooking for dinner or aimlessly chat about our day. Now we’re arranging ‘dates’ days in advance and picking out virtual venues. Recently we’ve been to a ‘pub’, which is basically us drinking wine on a Houseparty video chat, talking about how much we miss going to a real life bar.

We’ve also set up a Netflix Play night, which is isolation’s answer to a cinema. But whatever venue we choose, our dynamic has changed.

Before each virtual hook up, I feel myself getting the dreaded pre-date nerves as if I’m meeting someone new. I spend hours deliberating outfits, doing my hair and painting my nails, which he probably won’t even see, and those aren’t the only things I worry about.

There’s a catalogue of woes to stress over when you’re going on a virtual date – like good lighting. I’ve spent ages positioning and re-positioning lamps like I’m on a Hollywood film set and I always test the camera before the call begins. (Mainly to check that the lighting isn’t making me look like I’m sat around a campfire, about to scare some children.)

But even after I perfect those things, I worry that the WiFi could cut out and make it impossible for us to talk or ruin the ambience that I’ve worked for hours to create.

The funny thing is that I’m doing all this fully knowing that the boy has seen me with my head in the toilet after a girls night out more times than I’d like to admit. So the lighting shouldn’t really matter.

Luckily I’m not the only one feeling the pressure. Although my boyfriend doesn’t care about the lighting or the arrangement of the room, he has admitted to feeling awkward at times while on a virtual date. He’s says that talking through the camera makes the other person feel very distant so it’s harder to connect or have a natural conversation, which I can understand.

Despite all the worrying, we always find something to talk about – but the physical side of things is now non-existent, which is the hardest part.

All of the usual ways that we can be intimate have been taken away and it’s been so long that I’ve started considering virtual sex. The trouble is that to me it would feel like having sex for the first time all over again, constantly wondering if the other person is having a good time or if I’m doing it wrong. All of which isn’t very sexy.

As much as our current situation is far from ideal and it can feel like we’re drifting apart, dating again has allowed me to find out new things about my partner. Just a few weeks ago, I didn’t know little things such as he when was 11 he did an impression of Agent Smith from the Matrix in a school talent show, which is adorable.

Or that his name is an anagram of ‘romance’! I also definitely didn’t know that as a die hard rock fan, he went to see the Girls Aloud Reunion Tour when he was 22.

So now and again isolation has brought closer together, just in ways that we wouldn’t have experienced in the pre-pandemic world.

It’s no wonder that we’re figuring out how to have a normal relationship again, when there’s nothing normal about the world right now. We’re learning to cope with only being able to see each other through a screen. But on the flip side, I’ve got friends who are finding it difficult to see their partners 24/7.

Since lockdown restrictions have eased slightly we have been able to meet up and go for a walk in the park, all while keeping a two metre distance.

At first it was slightly surreal, like seeing a TV character brought to life. However, after the initial nerves passed, it felt really nice and we ended up talking for hours. It definitely felt more natural than talking through a camera.

But until lockdown fully lifts, I’m happy to carry on dating my boyfriend all over again.

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