Mum recalls harrowing moment she found husband after he took own life

Mother recalls the harrowing moment she arrived home with her children to find her husband had taken his own life – after texting her to say he ‘wouldn’t be a problem anymore’

• EXCLUSIVE: Sarah Clamp, 39, of Bolton, was with David Clamp, 47, for 14 years
• Couple married for four years and share two children – Louise, 16, and James, 12 
• The medical secretary noticed dip in husband’s mood after his mother’s death 
• David became withdrawn and distant leading to marriage breakdown  in January 
• Attempted suicide two weeks before death but Sarah caught him and stopped it
• David promised he wouldn’t do it again – but two weeks later took own life
• Sarah urges people to seek help if they’re worried about partner’s state of mind 

A mother-of-two has spoken of her horror after arriving home with her children to find her husband had taken his own life – after sending her a text to say he ‘wouldn’t be a problem anymore’.

Sarah Clamp, 39, of Bolton, was with David Clamp, 47, for 14 years and married to him for four before their marriage broke down in January.

She told how David, a painter and decorator, had become withdrawn and moody following the death of his mother and refused to open up to her about how he was feeling.

The medical secratary, who works at their local mental health unit, urged him to seek help, but he rebuffed her concerns and threw himself into work, spending little time with Sarah or their two children Louise, 16, and son James, 12.

Sarah Clamp, 39, of Bolton, was with David Clamp, 47, for 14 years and married to him for four before their marriage broke down in January. Pictured on their wedding day

Unable to cope anymore, Sarah split from David, sparking a ‘psychotic episode’ which saw him try to take his own life – but fail when he was interrupted by his ex.

Despite promising he wouldn’t do it again and would make an appointment with his GP, two weeks later David hung himself – leaving Sarah to pick up the pieces.  

She is now urging anyone with concerns over their partner’s state of mind to seek help – and accompany them to appointments to ensure they receive the care they need.

Speaking to FEMAIL, she told how she and David met on the dating website Plenty of Fish and felt an instant connection.

‘He was living in Derby when we met and I was in Radcliffe in Manchester,’ she recalled.  

Sarah told how David, a painter and decorator, had become withdrawn and moody following the death of his mother and refused to open up to her about how he was feeling

‘We chatted online for a couple of weeks before he came to stay for the weekend. After that, he never really went home. We would spend every weekend together and he moved in fully after about four weeks of dating.’

From the beginning, Sarah noticed David had ‘two sides’ to him – the ‘happy-go-lucky joker’ with his friends, and a more serious persona when he was at home.   

‘David was quite a strict father towards the children, however he loved them very much. He doted on our son who idolised his dad,’ she said.

From the beginning, Sarah noticed David had ‘two sides’ to him

Around a year after losing his mother in 2016, Sarah noticed a ‘dip’ in David’s mood. 

‘He never talked about his mother’s death and I noticed that he would be sleeping on the couch more, having been awake half the night,’ she explained.

‘His mood seemed to darken and did not seem to laugh as much before. I never saw him cry but I know he will have done in private. 

‘He never wanted to talk about it and just seemed to carry on. He went back to work all but straight away and I presumed this was to take his mind off what he was feeling.

‘When I asked him how he felt, he always said “like c***”, but would never open up why. He was a type 2 diabetic but ate a lot of chocolate, so I used to put it down to his bad diet and not taking his tablets.’

David began working exceptionally long hours, leaving the house at 7am and returning late, while also working all weekend. 

‘At night when he came home, he would doze on the sofa and leave me and the children to our own devices, making excuses not to spend time with us,’ Sarah recalled. 

‘When this has been happening for a while, it does take its toll on you, and I did begin to think that I had had enough. Every time I mentioned something I would get shouted at. 

‘Over time, as there was no affection in our marriage, I found myself thinking the worst of David. I suspected him of having an affair, and found myself falling out of love with him, and our marriage broke down in January.

‘Even though I knew that David was suffering with depression, I also knew there was another issue that had been in the background for a long time.’  

David then started to work all the time, leaving the house at 7am and returning late, while also working all weekend – making excuses not to spend time with his wife or their children Louise and James (pictured)

The couple remained living in the same house for a few weeks until David moved in with a friend.  

Sarah said he then began harassing her via text and phoning her constantly, to the point where she had to block his number to get a break.

‘I think the marriage break-up caused David to have a psychotic episode,’ she admitted. ‘I once went in the shower for 15 minutes and came out to over 20 missed calls and three text messages. He accused me of having an affair, which was untrue, and also at times threatened to kill me. 

‘I urged him a number of times to get help, as what he was saying and doing was not what a rational person would do. He finally told me that he had been to see a GP and that he had been referred to mental health services.’

But Sarah became suspicious when David refused to go into detail about his appointments, and shouted at her when she persisted to push him for information.  

After they split, the couple remained living in the same house for a few weeks until David moved in with a friend. Pictured together on their wedding day

One night she told how she was awoken by strange noises outside her bedroom. After going out to investigate, she discovered David trying to hang himself. 

‘My daughter was also woken at this time and witnessed what her dad was doing,’ she said. ‘We both managed to talk him down.’

When Sarah asked him why he’d wanted to hang himself, she said he told her it was a ‘stupid spur of the moment decision’ and promised he wouldn’t do it again, having seen the grief and upset he’d cause his family.  

Looking back, Sarah said she wishes she’d taken him to the local A&E department to be assessed, as then he would have been in the system.

Instead she made him to see a GP to be referred onto the mental health department and offered to go with him – but he refused, claiming he was too busy with work.  

On April 14 – three years to the day of his mother’s death following a battle with breast cancer – David took his own life. 

On the night he sent Sarah a text message saying he ‘wouldn’t be a problem anymore’, but she didn’t see it until the morning as she was on a rare night out with friends and had forgotten to charge her phone.

Looking back, Sarah said she wishes she’d taken David to the local A&E department to be assessed, as then he would have been in the system

She explained: ‘We had exchanged some text messages and phone calls during the afternoon about my mum looking after the children that night. As far as I was aware, David did not have access to the house, but he’d had keys cut in secret and had let himself in.  

‘As I was out a distance away from home, I was staying out overnight which I very rarely did. When I received the texts in the morning after turning my phone on, I immediately tried to call David but it went straight through to voicemail. No one else had heard from him. 

‘All the journey back to Bolton, I was trying to call David’s mobile, fearing the worst but hoping for the best.’

After collecting the children from her mother’s, Sarah drove home – and realised immediately that something wasn’t right after spying David’s car on the drive and the blinds shut at 1:30pm.

‘I made the children wait in the car and went and opened the door, half expecting him to be asleep, hungover on the sofa,’ she said.

Sarah encourages anyone who feels their partner could be suffering from a mental health issue to talk to them about it and ‘not take their word for it’ if they say they have made an appointment to see a GP. Pictured with David on their wedding day

‘As soon as I opened the vestibule door, he was hanging from the bannister in front of me.’

Sarah admitted the following days are still a bit of a blur, but she realised quickly that she and her family couldn’t remain living in the house.

‘I had never claimed benefits in my life before and started researching them on the internet, what I could and could not claim,’ she admitted.

‘I was very worried about money. Overnight I had lost a wage and become a single parent. I was only working part time at the time and did not know how I was going to cope and pay all the bills.

‘I went for a walk with my children just to clear our heads. I cannot remember there being a lot of tears in front of them as I wanted to appear strong, as if I broke down, who would hold us together?’ 

The day David took his own life was one month to the day that Louise sat her first GCSE exam. 

Sarah told how her daughter developed anxiety, but thankfully received great support from her school and buried her head in her books and achieved ‘amazing’ exam results. 

Though she refused counselling at first, Sarah said Louise has recently enrolled with the Single Point of Access in Bolton – however, due to her age, she is classed as an adult and is on a six-week waiting list.

‘My son seemed to have a harder time initially than Louise, he would cry all the time and miss his dad terribly,’ Sarah said.

‘However, with accessing support from the charity Once Upon a Smile, although he still has days where he is upset, these are getting fewer. 

Where to find help 

There are numerous treatments available to help your partner if they are dealing with a mental health problem.

If possible, broach the possibility of visiting a GP or a mental health professional. Guiding him in the right direction could be the push that he needs to accept his feelings and seek professional help.

Many find a combination of different treatments works, such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with a medical professional accompanied with daily practice of mindfulness techniques in the comfort of your own home.

It’s not a one-size-fits-all fix though, so it’s worth trying different solutions and encourage him not to give up if one of them isn’t right for him.

For more information visit the Mind website. 

‘He started high school in September and we talked about this as being a clean slate and starting again. He has made a new set of friends and is getting on well in school.

‘I think it has helped my children that we have moved house. Although it was upsetting leaving what we thought would be our forever home, we are not reminded every day of the events that happened by sitting in the house where David died.’

Sarah encourages anyone who feels their partner could be suffering from a mental health issue to talk to them about it and ‘not take their word for it’ if they say they have made an appointment to see a GP. 

‘We all lead busy lives, but make the appointment for them and take the time out of your day to accompany them to the doctor,’ she said.

‘Go into the room with them so you can express your side and the differences you have seen in your partner. 

‘If it helps you, write down the changes that have happened in your partner’s mood so you do not forget anything in the consultation and do not leave that room without a plan from your GP.

‘Google what mental health charities are available in your area and mention them to your partner. I have only been made aware of charities that are available since David’s death. Had I known beforehand I would have asked him to contact them. 

‘If your partner is experiencing serious suicidal thoughts or you catch them trying to commit suicide, do not brush it under the carpet. The one biggest regret I have of the whole situation is not taking David to A&E the night I caught him trying to kill himself. I made excuses up in my head – the children are asleep, he has promised he will not do it again. 

‘If I had done this, maybe David would be alive today.’ 

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details.

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