Mum worries she’s ‘mean’ for refusing daughter to stay over boyfriends

Mumsnet is a great place for parents to share their concerns, and worries and ask for advice. Recently, a British mother took to the platform to ask whether she was being unreasonable for refusing to allow her 15-year-old daughter to a sleepover with her boyfriend.

The boyfriend is also 15-year’s-old, and the teenager’s relationship has been “on/off” for the past couple of years, “but they haven’t broken up for over a year”.

The mother explained how the boyfriend has been very unwell, after being “diagnosed with sepsis last year”.

She told other Mumsnet users how he was “still struggling with being very tired and weak etc”.

The worried mother said the boyfriend’s illness had “affected [her daughter] a lot”, but reassured readers by saying “she is now okay and she’s supporting him”.

As for why her daughter wants to sleep over with her boyfriend, the mother revealed it was his birthday weekend and her daughter had been invited to spend a few days with him “and his family at a small party”, which she remarked she “had no issue with”.

“The issue” she did have was the boyfriend asking her daughter “to sleep over on Friday night”. The mother said no, as she “feels they’re still too young”.

As for how the daughter feels, she is apparently “very annoyed” by her mother’s response, and brought up the topic of sex.

The daughter “said they aren’t going to have sex”, which the mother didn’t mention initially mention as a reason for saying no because the boyfriend “is still not 100 percent well”.

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The mother said she “doesn’t care about him” and suggested “it’s [sex] the one thing he wants” because he hasn’t requested a birthday gift, just that he wants to see his girlfriend and spend time with her.

The comment was finished with: “I’m now wondering if I’m being a bit mean by saying no?”

There were mixed responses, with some parents asking for more details, for example, if they would be sleeping in the same room or separate rooms.

The mother clarified the two teenagers would be sleeping “in the same room” and she doesn’t feel she could “ban them from having sex” and reiterated the possibility of them having sex wasn’t the reason she said no, it was that she thinks “they’re both still too young,”, especially her daughter.

One parent sternly replied: “She’s 15, she does not need to sleep over at her boyfriend’s, especially if that’s not something you agree with.

“You’re the parent, you make the rules, and anyone else’s opinion on the matter is irrelevant.”

Another said: “I have a 15 and a 16-year-old. It would be a firm No to both of them.”

Someone else chimed: “You have appropriate boundaries for your 15-year-old daughter. Stand firm. I don’t understand why you’re wavering, honestly. Your daughter is trying to manipulate you, which is normal, but you need to be the parent here, not her mate.”

“Firm no on the sleepover,” one parent responded. “Since it is a special occasion, I would be willing to pick up by car later than normal, even though I hate having to stay up late and would likely be tired the next day.”

Another comment read: “If your daughter is going to have sex, preventing her from going to this family event is not going to make any difference.

“You will though drive an (in my view) unnecessary wedge between you and your daughter when there are no safety issues.”

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