My sisters are keeping my father's ashes away from me – I feel excluded

DEAR DEIDRE: MY sisters are hanging on to my father’s ashes and pass them back and forth to one another every week but never asked me if I’d like them.

I’m a man of 42 and feel totally excluded. Dad was ill with cancer and, as I live the closest, I was the one visiting every day and taking him out.

When he died my sisters took over all the funeral arrangements, and didn’t talk to me at the cremation.

My sisters are 45 and 50. They haven’t talked to me for years, though I don’t know why.

I’ve tried to reason with them, but they don’t respond.

Dad had no money to leave and lived in a rented house, but they’re now dividing up his things between them. It’s like I don’t exist.

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DEIDRE SAYS: Sadly, bereavements often bring out the worst in families.

Your sisters’ grievances go way back.

Maybe it was jealousy of you as a child or maybe there was some family issue you’ve not mentioned, but it doesn’t sound as though this rift is going to heal.

You can find support through Stand Alone, which helps people who become estranged from their family (standalone.org.uk).

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