Woman who was sexually assaulted on Christmas Eve speaks out about ordeal
Cara Hernon, 29, was sexually assaulted on Christmas Eve eight years ago.
The marketing professional initially tried to suppress the ordeal, as she didn’t want the festive period to be “ruined”.
But even though she wanted to block out the trauma, she knew she had to consider the possibility that she’d fallen pregnant or contracted an STI.
This caused more pain and stress – as GPs and sexual health clinics tend to be closed at Christmastime.
The survivor has shared her story in a bid to help others who may go through similar experiences during December.
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Cara said: “I was sexually assaulted the night before Christmas.
“I spent a number of years blaming myself – if I had turned left instead of right, had I left earlier, not lost my friend or drunk less alcohol- would this not have happened?
“Regardless of my choices, this man made a choice to violate me and have sex with me without my consent. It was an experience that left me traumatised for a long time.
“It wasn't something I could comprehend talking about at the time and my only thought was that I did not want to ruin Christmas. But the next day I barely moved from pain.
“Whilst the ordeal was something I wanted to block out entirely, I was forced to consider the possibility of becoming pregnant or that I might have contracted an STI.
“For the next 72 hours, my GP was closed, my local pharmacies were closed, the local sexual health clinic was closed, and meanwhile I was trying to navigate family commitments and a flight just after Christmas.
“At the time I did not know about any services outside of my local GP, sexual health clinic or pharmacies.”
In the aftermath of the sexual assault, Cara finally managed to find a pharmacy that was open over the Christmas period.
She also reported the crime to the police several years later, but found it extremely difficult to talk about at the time.
Cara explained: “I did manage to find a pharmacy open and get the emergency contraceptive pill but had to travel several miles.
“I was not able to talk about the assault itself for a while afterwards, but the recovery from that is a much longer story.
“It was reported to the police but talking about it in that detail really badly impacted my mental health and I decided not to proceed at the time. I do feel like I have let other women down by not proceeding with the police case, but it was simply too traumatic for me at that time.”
Cara warns other sexual assault survivors that recovery can feel like grieving – and says that talking therapy really helped her recovery.
The marketer said: “Unfortunately, I am far from alone in my experience, whether around Christmas or not, sexual assault is a very traumatic event for anyone.
“It is very difficult to process and while every experience is unique, talking to other people who have been sexually assaulted over the years, one thing I can say is it's like grief, you go through stages of denial, self-blame anger, depression and so on.
“For me, I tried to bury it inside me for a time, I thought if I denied it happened or that denied that there was no consent even to myself it couldn't harm me… I was wrong.
“It did begin to eat away at my wellbeing, caused me anxiety and still impacts my relationships to this day. There have been some very low, lows along the way and finally over the past few years, I feel like I am beginning to overcome the damage it has done…
“With time and a huge mess, I did eventually start to get recover – I still find myself blaming myself, even while I write this. Part of this was talking therapy, part of it was, unfortunately, going through loss and figuring out only I could make myself happy, could give this less power, could change my outlook on life.
“I ended up coming up with a little formula happiness = content with now + hope for the future, being sexually assaulted had taken both of those things away from me and made me feel powerless.”
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Cara urges others to report sexual assaults to the police – and adds that going to a sexual health clinic was very important.
She added: “If you are sexually assaulted, please do report it to the police – you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, you'll find they are kind and patient, and you will not feel judged having been through this myself.
“You will not be under any obligation to move forward or move forward until you are ready but getting an initial account and evidence means you can proceed with all of the evidence available if and when you choose to do so.
“If you do not feel ready or able to go to the police, please go straight to a sexual health clinic where possible. For me, sexual health services really helped me to open up about what happened.
“I didn't go in with the intention of acknowledging I was assaulted, but after speaking to someone in confidence, it was fairly clear what happened and I was offered support and help from them in a number of ways. They offered a rape kit, a talk and follow up with a psychologist, their gentle and kind support helped me to come forward.
“I also tried to call a number of helplines during normal working hours, and unfortunately due to the extent of the crisis in the UK and how underfunded these helplines are, they were unable to answer the phone to me, I tried on several occasions. They did however call me back (although I believe it was several weeks, so please do not hold out for a call back if it is an emergency) and offer me a spot on a waiting list of 18month to 2 years to speak to a therapist.
“While they are trying their absolute best, it would not be my recommendation to call in the immediate aftermath of an assault, it can take a lot of courage to call one time, and if they aren't able to answer it could be a long time before you feel ready to try again. If you need to talk and it's out of hours, myself I would probably call the samaritans as they will answer even if it is a wait to speak to someone.
“My personal recommendation, go to the police if you can, if you can't please go to a sexual health clinic.”
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Dr Stephanie Ooi, GP at London’s MyHealthcare Clinic , has also shared her advice for getting a doctor's appointment support for sexual health issues during the festive period.
She said: “Being sexually assaulted at any time of year can be incredibly difficult, if you are involved in any form of sexual assault, please seek help immediately by contacting the Police.
"While I understand it can be very difficult to come forward, like many others you may want to speak to your doctor, a sexual health clinic in the aftermath, this can be difficult over bank holidays or the festive season.
"Many services will resume from the 27th December, however services or availability might be limited, please do not let this deter you from speaking to someone if it is too difficult to speak to the police.
"Sexual assault can cause both physical injuries and can impact your mental health, in the immediate aftermath of sexual assault if you do not feel you can go straight to the police, you can go to see a GP, nurses, attend A&E, a sexual health clinic, call 111 or attend a walk-in centre. All of these people can help you and may refer you for further support.
"The trauma of being sexually assaulted can result in you feeling scared, ashamed, isolated, as well as suffering from nightmares and flashbacks.
"The impact can be far-reaching, impacting your self-worth, trust, you may also suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD, it can also cause fear of being intimate in the future. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, please speak to your doctor in confidence, contact a support line such as Rape Crisis or Survivors trust who can offer talking therapy, alternatively if you or someone you love are experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call 111 or visit your local A&E."
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