Years of my wife's mood swings and no sex pushed me to have an affair
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of mood swings, no libido and poor mental health, my wife is finally getting help — but only because she’s discovered my long-term love affair.
I’m in turmoil. Do I end my affair and try to revive our dead marriage?
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
- Dear Deidre on Mental Health
- Dear Deidre on Identity
- Dear Deidre on Debt and Money
- Dear Deidre on Work
- Dear Deidre on Health and Wellbeing
- Dear Deidre on Addiction
It has been failing for several years.
My wife’s changing behaviour and lack of interest in sex drove me into the arms of an old friend.
I’m 47 and my wife is 46. We’ve been married for 18 years and have two children, who are 15 and 13.
To be honest, the only thing that stopped me from leaving years ago is my children.
My wife and I were once deeply in love. But over the years, she became more and more withdrawn and pushed me away.
She’d scream at me for the slightest thing, like putting my coffee cup in the wrong place, or coming home five minutes late.
She stopped wanting to have sex and wouldn’t discuss it.
Eventually, I gave up trying. I sought comfort from an old friend, 48, who was also having marriage problems.
After she divorced her husband, that friendship turned into a physical relationship.
Last month, my wife found out. Perhaps I wasn’t as careful as I should have been, or maybe part of me wanted her to know.
I expected her to end the marriage.
Instead, she shocked me by saying she’d been seeing a therapist, had been diagnosed with depression and now understood that her mood swings were the result of trauma from an abusive teenage relationship.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to [email protected]
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
She told me she’s realised how much she loves me and wants us to try again.
Now I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. My head says stay, my heart says leave.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEIDRE'S STORIES 
Elliot considers telling his girlfriend Alice that he likes to wear tights
My lover said he'd leave his wife and kids – as long as I buy him a house first
My daughter's abusive partner banned her from getting the Covid-19 vaccine
My ex says it's my fault our kids are so badly behaved – they even smashed his TV
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a difficult dilemma, with no “right” decision, so perhaps some space from both women would be a good idea.
There’s no way of knowing if things with your lover would work out, and the repercussions of leaving will be vast.
Please don’t stay with your wife simply because she has mental health problems. Only stay if you can see a happy future together and if she shows she is committed to getting the support she needs.
Staying out of a sense of duty will make you unhappy in the long term, and your children would pick up on the unsettling home atmosphere.
My support pack, Torn Between Two Lovers, might be helpful for you to read.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My husband revealed he raped a drunk woman before we met
READ DEIDRE'S STORIES Elliot is caught by his friend Lucas wearing tights to work
GET IN TOUCH How the page works and how to contact us
Source: Read Full Article