A few of my favorite things: Holiday office party horror stories

I recently attended a really fun holiday office party of a vendor of mine and started thinking of how much better it was than the worst holiday office party I ever attended.

That one was bad. I was working for a big law firm, and a very stingy one, too. But little did I know how stingy.  

The party was scheduled for a Thursday at 2 p.m. Odd. We were told spouses were not invited. Odder. But the oddest thing was that, while at the party, we were told that we were not being given actual time off, meaning that after the party was over at 4 p.m., we all had to go back to the office, work late, and bill for the two hours that we attended.  

Worst. Job. Ever. 

But there are way worse stories than mine. Here are a few of my favorites: 

A very sad cake.

 “I was working at a crappy company a long time ago in December, and we found out suddenly that our whole division was getting laid off like literally days before (the party).

“So then our manager comes in with a Christmas cake . . . and he says, ‘So at least we should have a cake to celebrate the season?’ So we all kind of agreed, with broken spirits. But he didn’t have plates or spoons or knives or even napkins. So we all literally just had to scoop out a bit of cake with our hands, and just eat it.” (Via Reddit.) 

Close up of group of happy friends having fun while pouring champagne during Christmas party. (Photo: skynesher, Getty Images)

You will sing and you will like it!

“Between the dinner and dancing they had karaoke. (But not) volunteer karaoke, this was before karaoke machines were available. Several small groups of people were coerced into going up and singing, handed the words to the songs printed on paper, and made to sing a cappella in front of the entire room. It was so painful to watch their embarrassment . . . no, I’d go so far as to say humiliation . . . It was downright ugly.” (via Quickbase.)  

A wild and crazy office

“(The party) was like a frat house run amok. The (accounts payable)  director drank too much and threw up shrimp cocktail on the white shag carpet. The plant manager got into a screaming fight with his wife in the driveway. The chemist was found making out with the loading dock supervisor, who was about 30 years her senior and more importantly not her husband. And I accidentally walked in on the sales director peeing in the unlocked hallway bathroom.” (Via AskaManager.) 

The blind and the dumb

“I work at a nonprofit agency of the blind, and a large percentage of our staff is blind. At the last holiday party . . . management hired a DJ and told him to come up with some ice-breaker games. The only ice-breaker this DJ could come up with was a game where the players had to keep toilet paper rolls in between their legs, and another player had to use a toilet plunger to try to spear the rolls from between the other persons legs. 

“What this amounted to was that we had a bunch of blind people thrusting a wooden plunger at each other’s crotches. It did not end well.” (Via AskaManager.) 

TMI.

“I work at a fairly large law firm, and at our last holiday party, my coworker’s boyfriend had a little too much to drink. He told everyone, including all of the firm partners, about her explosive diarrhea in graphic detail. To make matters worse, on his way out, he proceeded to tell all of our coworkers of color that he ‘was no longer a racist.’ ” (via Buzzfeed.)  

I trust that you had a better party than these, and so I say, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! 

Steve Strauss is an attorney, popular speaker and the best-selling author of 17 books, including “The Small Business Bible.” You can learn more about Steve at MrAllBiz.com, get more tips at his site TheSelfEmployed, and connect with him on Twitter @SteveStrauss and on Facebook at TheSelfEmployed.

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