Every Single Dressbarn Store Is Closing

In the near future, malls and strip malls will only be filled with Starbuckseseseseses (yes, that’s plural for Starbucks), money laundering places fronting as cell phone case stores, and Bath & Body Workseseseseses (again, that’s plural for Bath & Body Works). We already lost the reasonably priced emporium of elegance ensembles that was Charlotte Russe, and now we’re losing Dressbarn, which if you’re not familiar with, sells dresses to humans and doesn’t sell dresses to horses, pigs, cows, and chickens. Although, now I really want to go to a store that sells dresses to chickens.

Ascena Retail Group, which owns Dressbarn along with Justice, Lane Bryant, Ann Taylor, and Loft, announced last night that non-youngins’ looking to buy clothes that won’t make their credit card cry, will have to go to other places. They said that they are closing all 650 Dressbarn stores in the U.S., because they’re just not bringing in the cash needed to stay open. via NBC News

“This decision was difficult, but necessary, as the Dressbarn chain has not been operating at an acceptable level of profitability in today’s retail environment,” Dressbarn Chief Financial Officer Steven Taylor said.

It also doesn’t seem like their website is staying open for long either, because in a statement they said they are “winding down” operations.

Dressbarn, which has been around for more than 50 years, closing their stores has a lot do with people doing most of their clothing shopping online or at stores like T.J. Maxx and Ross.

This makes me sad, because I spent a good piece of my youth at suburban strip mall lady clothing stores like Dressbarn in the 80s and 90s. That’s where my mom got many of her clothes. And as she tried on 18 dresses with attached belts (seriously, she could create a Mount Everest of attached dress belts alone), I played Indiana Jones, or some shit, in the middle of the circular clothing rack. Come to think of it, not much has changed when it comes to shopping with my mom today. Only now I’m rudely interrupted by a T.J. Maxx employee saying, “Sir, will you please stop playing Indiana Jones in the middle of that circular clothing rack. You’re creeping our customers out!

Rest in peace, Dressbarn.

Pic: Google

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