A time for second chances?
Are YOU back together with an ex for the winter? Expert reveals the do’s and don’ts for making it work a second time around
- Cuffing season is a time when relationships blossoms for the winter months
- Many singletons may be looking to hook back up with a former flame for season
- Dating expert Emma Hathorn advised seeing if you are able to get over the past
- She told FEMAIL singletons should be aware loved-ones may have reservations
It’s getting to that time of year again when singletons look for short term partners to get them through the cold winter months.
This is known as cuffing season, a period when relationships blossom in the deep winter, often coming to halt once spring brings in warmer temperatures.
However, according to dating website Seeking Questions, many people are looking to their past lovers to help them through the colder months.
The website found 52 per cent of singles have been contacted by a former flame, looking to rekindle their past romance, in recent months.
Dating expert Emma Hathorn told FEMAIL rekindling a romance isn’t necessarily always a good idea.
She explained: ‘With the pressure of costs going up and people cutting back on costly dates, rekindling a past romance may seem like an appealing choice. but be warned this is yet another toxic dating trend.’
Here she revealed her top tips for giving the relationship it’s best chance…
52 per cent of singles have been contacted by a former flame. This is part of the winter trend where people embark on a relationship for the winter months
BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE – BUT DON’T LOWER YOUR STANDARDS
Relationships are all about compromise, but at the same time you should never lower your standards or decide to settle.
Emma said: ‘If your relationship didn’t work out the first time around, it’s important to take note of the reasons why and assess whether you can move past it.’
She advised taking a minute to step back to objectively look at things and think ‘is this for the right reasons.’
It is worth being upfront about your intentions and expectations so you are both clear about what you are looking for, whether it be something serious or more casual, and to address any misunderstandings from the get go.
As the relationship may feel familiar it could be easy to jump straight into it, however, it’s important to take your time to ease back into things and not get too comfortable.
BE UPFRONT WITH YOUR NEEDS
‘Don’t be scared to be upfront and honest about what your needs and wants are from a relationship.
‘Sometimes it can be all too easy to seek comfort and familiarity in a romantic interest for the winter months, but it’s important to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons.
‘It will save you and them a lot of time and upset in the long run.
‘It’s all about having agency and being clear about your wants and expectations, and having self worth.’
‘You should use this opportunity to reset, date, and do fun things together.
‘It’s all about putting in the effort and not being lazy or taking one another for granted.’
TRY TO DIRECT ENERGY INTO THE FUTURE – AND FORGET THE PAST
The past is the past for a reason. When getting back into a relationship it is important to check in with yourself about any residual feelings you might have and whether you have dealt with them emotionally and have actually let go.
Emma said: ‘It’s not about forgetting, but instead looking at things logically, rather than still being charged with emotion.
‘Instead direct your passions and energy into the future and make sure your partner reflects these intentions. To make it work, set clear goals, don’t settle.’
ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT WENT WRONG THE FIRST TIME AROUND
With ex partners communication is paramount to setting out clear and honest intentions.
Emma said: ‘Acknowledging the cracks is a good place to start to begin with but also remind each other of the reasons you fell for one another in the first place.’
Small acts of service or thoughtful gestures are a good way to show that you are putting in the effort and could help to spark romance.
It is essential to not pressure yourselves or one another, as you take time to rekindle what you once had.
BE WARY FRIENDS AND FAMILY MAY NOT BE ON BOARD
If you do decide to go back to an ex, you should expect that your friends and family will have questions.
Some will not agree with your decision as they will remember what it was like before and how you were when the relationship broke down.
The reality is that your ex will have to prove themselves to both you and your loved ones.
But, do not dismiss your friends’ concerns. Let them know that you have listened and follow it up with how your relationship has changed and how you are working on past problems.
When it comes to those first dates, be sure to make an effort.
Just because it is familiar doesn’t mean you don’t have to impress.
Remember it’s not all about money, but you should aim to wow your old partner.
The emphasis should be on creating new memorable, intimate and considerate experiences.
Remembering what they enjoy doing, their hobbies and tastes shows that you haven’t forgotten them and that you are willing to make them happy.
FOCUS ON COMMUNICATING
No relationship is without its problems, whether they are disagreements over the TV or larger issues like feeling you aren’t being listened to.
If you are rekindling a relationship it is important to forget what has gone before and not use past discrepancies as a weapon in an argument.
Emma said that communication is the most important aspect in any relationship, no matter how tough it may be.
‘It can take time to change old habits, so try to be patient with one another,’ she said.
‘As always the main thing to consider is are they making an effort and can I see some change if old problems start to arise.
‘Be clear and set boundaries, that way your partner will know your patience isn’t infinite and there will be repercussions.’
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