Lori Kaplan’s Bra Tenders fits Broadway from AA to 44K
From “Mean Girls” to “Hadestown,” how do Broadway high-kickers get drawers that hide everything but the music? Or décolleté that barely keeps those certain things inside? Bra Tenders. On Ninth Avenue.
Lori Kaplan has fitted Bette Midler, Brooke Shields, Melanie Griffith, Gloria Estefan’s various parts. Sat out front for “Gypsy” then changed Patti LuPone’s understuff. Loaned special occasion items to Blair Brown. You built like a moose? Shove thong things. The Bra Whisperer has a hammock for you.
Lori: “We do 81 sizes. Band-aid AA cups to 44Ks, which could fit two breasts and weigh more than a child. Heavy-busted $160 ones aren’t found in K-Mart.”
Channel 1’s Stephanie Simon turned me onto Lori, who does body wraps, fishnets, dance belts, briefs, tights, open-bottom 1950s girdles, duct tape, “plunging breast tape, but not like Kim Kardashian’s, which lifts but can pull a nipple off. Ours is medical grade silicon attached to heavy cotton fabric.”
“Adhesive bras go under then pull up to give that lift. Straps around the waist anchor way down for backless. If air-conditioned boobs get hard and wearers get uptight, we have covers for them.”
“‘Moulin Rouge!’ has custom corsets with hand-sewn rhinestone tights and fishnets. The costumer ordered 10 dozen in case of a run. Capezio can wash twice if the stage hasn’t splinters and actors had pedicures. ‘Rock of Ages’ needed thigh-high fishnets and matte-finish, no-shine Lycra pantyhose that look bare-legged. Seam is crotch to waist. ‘Stepford Wives’ did rubber waist-cinchers.”
“We do five sizes and seven specially dyed custom colors — almond, hazelnut, tan, beiges and ‘Shrek’s’ leftover green tights. Made in cheap labor Thailand, Vietnam, Turkey, Honduras. Broadway does nude, not white, which is always see-through and too bright. It’s even nude color under wedding gowns.” Tommy Tune, designers William Ivey Long, Bob Mackie shop there. Even glamorous RuPaul’s Astrobooty hip and butt pads come from this Fairy Bramother.
Not starring onstage? So what? Bra Tenders sells retail.
She’s on my A list
“New York” magazine reports Renée Zellweger almost went from A-List to Zellweger. I don’t know that.
I know only about years ago, when my birthday dinner with friends was at the excellent, expensive steak restaurant Porter House. Unknown to me, unseen by anyone, sat Zellweger. Alone. Way in back. At the height of her career.
We’d never met. Someone obviously told her I was there.
After I asked for the check, they told me Renée had picked up the entire tab. She’d left so I couldn’t then thank her.
That’s the Renée Zellweger I know.
Not an expert on heart matters
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi’s open mouth told Hamptons hearers that her interest was vested only in creatures “with three-chambered hearts.”
Kindly realize humans — even Democrats — have four-chambered hearts. Reptiles, including crocodiles and warm fuzzy friendly alligators, do with three.
Don’t pick on me. I’m repeating only what’s been said.
Comedy duo is ‘Here Today’
Director Billy Crystal plays a comedy writer befriending a New York street singer in “Here Today.” She’s Tiffany Haddish, who’s into ABC’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things” and Tracy Morgan’s “The Last O.G.”
Billy: “Generational differences make our humor great. It’s a romantic comedy without the romance.”
From a contractor: “Never put a woman on a pedestal — unless, of course, the ceiling needs painting.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
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