Asking For A Friend: I hate my friend's partner, should I tell them?
Asking For A Friend is the series where we answer the questions you don’t want to ask.
It’s always great when a friend gets into a new, loving relationship.
They’re bursting with happiness, gushing about their new partner.
It’s hard not to feel just as happy for them – unless, of course, you’re not a fan of their new beau.
Having a bad feeling about a friend’s partner, whether it’s because they have a bit of a reputation or they’ve already flashed a few too many red flags, can be challenging, not least because it can drive a wedge between you and your bestie.
‘Friendships can be tested when you don’t like a friend’s partner,’ says relationship therapist Rhian Kivits. ‘This scenario can result in you becoming distanced from each other – your friend may feel unsupported while you feel like they’ve chosen their partner over your friendship.’
Rhian believes that if you’re really struggling to get on with their new partner, honesty is the best policy – but you have to tread very, very carefully.
‘Sometimes we need a friend to draw our attention to what we’re not seeing, especially in relationships because we can have a tendency to look at our partners through rose tinted spectacles,’ she says.
However, as relationship hypnotherapist, Dipti Tait, says, it’s important to work out exactly why you dislike or mistrust your friend’s partner.
‘Is it based on objective observations or personal biases?’ she says.
‘If you genuinely believe their well-being is at stake or you have concrete evidence of misconduct, consider having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your friend.
‘Choose your words carefully, focusing on your concerns rather than attacking the partner personally.’
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