Inside Queen Elizabeth II's special relationship with Michelle Obama

Inside the Queen’s enduring bond with Michelle Obama: Former First Lady formed special friendship with Her Majesty that began when they broke ‘rubbish’ royal protocol – and blossomed into ‘gossip’ sessions and ‘sleepovers’ at Buckingham Palace

  • The Queen’s passing at the age of 96 has left millions of people around the world mourning her loss; among them are the Obamas – in particular, Michelle, who grew very close to the Monarch 
  • Her Majesty and the former First Lady, now 58, developed a special relationship, which began in 2009 with a controversial first meeting when Michelle broke royal protocol by embracing the Queen
  • The then-First Lady was ridiculed for the embrace, however, the Queen appeared completely at ease – and even returned the gesture by placing her own arm on Michelle’s shoulder
  • Today, Michelle paid tribute to that unique bond in a joint statement with her husband, Barack Obama, sharing a touching homage to the Monarch and the relationship that they shared for so many years
  • In the wake of the Her Majesty’s death, FEMAIL examines their unique friendship, which included bonding over painful heels, ‘sleepovers’ at the Palace, and breaking ‘rubbish’ royal protocol numerous times together
  • Full coverage: Click here to see all our coverage of the Queen’s passing

It was a moment that could have doomed a relationship of the utmost diplomatic importance, and certainly could have put an end to any hope of a friendship between a long-reigning Monarch and a ‘nervous’ First Lady. 

Yet when Michelle Obama broke strict royal protocol by putting her hand on the Queen’s back during their first meeting, the gesture sparked what became a long and uniquely close bond between the two women, one that would long outlast the Obamas’ tenure at the White House. 

Michelle, now 58, came under furious criticism when she placed her hand on the Queen’s back at Buckingham Palace, with the then-First Lady admitting that she had been ‘nervous’ to meet Her Majesty and had seemingly forgotten the rules that typically govern such an official event. 

Yet – ever the skilled stateswoman – the Queen took the incident in her stride, even putting Michelle at ease by returning the gesture, placing her own hand on the First Lady’s shoulder, and in doing so, turned what might have been inauspicious first meeting into the start of a very special friendship. 

Today, in the wake of Her Majesty’s death at the age of 96, Michelle paid tribute to that unique bond in a joint statement with her husband, Barack Obama, sharing a touching homage to the Monarch and the relationship that they shared for so many years – one that saw them transcending the traditional bonds of diplomacy to become true friends who ‘gossiped’ together, agonized over painful high heels, and even enjoyed ‘sleepovers’ at Buckingham Palace. 

‘Michelle and I were lucky enough to come to know Her Majesty, and she meant a great deal to us,’ the statement read.

‘Back when we were beginning to navigate life as President and First Lady, she welcomed us to the world stage with open arms and extraordinary generosity.

‘Time and again, we were struck by her warmth, the way she put people at easy, and how she brought her considerable humor and charm to moments of great pomp and circumstance.’

Queen Elizabeth II has passed away at age 96. Two of the many people who are most likely feeling distraught over her death are the Obamas – in particular, Michelle (seen with the Queen in 2011), who grew very close to the Queen over the years

Her Majesty and the former First Lady, now 58, developed a special relationship, which began in 2009 with a controversial first meeting (seen above) when Michelle broke royal protocol by embracing the Queen 

Today, Michelle paid tribute to that unique bond in a joint statement with her husband, Barack Obama, sharing a touching homage to the Monarch and the relationship that they shared for so many years

 In the wake of the Her Majesty’s death, FEMAIL examines their unique friendship, which included bonding over painful heels, ‘sleepovers’ at the Palace, and breaking ‘rubbish’ royal protocol numerous times together. They are pictured in April 2016

‘Like so many of you, Michelle and I are grateful to have witnessed Her Majesty’s dedicated leadership, and we are awed by her legacy of tireless, dignified public service,’ Barack captioned the statement. ‘Our thoughts are with her family and the people of the United Kingdom at this difficult time.’

Barack and Michelle said that they were ‘joining so many others who are celebrating her life and mourning her passing.’

The pair added that she reigned with ‘grace, elegance, and a tireless work ethic,’ while ‘defying the odds and expectations placed on women of her generation.’ 

In 2016, the Queen broke protocol once again with Michelle by her side, when she asked the First Lady to sit next next to her in the car, despite Michelle being told by secret service before hand that she was to sit in the front seat while the Queen was to sit in the back.

After showing hesitation, Michelle revealed in her book that the Queen called the rules ‘rubbish’ and told her to sit ‘wherever she wanted.’

Over the years, the women’s relationship flourished, and Michelle praised Her Majesty numerous times publicly – calling her ‘smart, funny, and honest’ in a 2018 press conference, and gushing over the ‘extraordinary warmth she extended to their entire family’ in a tribute posted in June.

It’s clear that the two had an exceptionally strong amity, and in the wake of the Queen’s sad death, FEMAIL has recapped their entire relationship from start to finish.

From the rule-breaking they did together to the sweet things they have said about one another, take a look back at Michelle and Queen Elizabeth II’s sweet friendship.

Their controversial first meeting: How Michelle broke royal protocol by touching the Queen’s back

The Obamas visited the Queen three times during Barack’s presidency. However, their first trip (pictured) included a highly controversial moment, when Michelle broke royal protocol by putting her arm around Queen Elizabeth II’s back 

 During a reception for G20 leaders, the former First Lady was pictured embracing the royal in a sweet gesture – and while the Queen seemed receptive of the gesture, the moment quickly made headlines – as touching the Queen is strictly prohibited


Michelle later explained in her 2018 memoir, Becoming, that the two women had bonded over wearing painful shoes, and that she did what was ‘instinctive’ to her ‘anytime she feels connected to a new person’ 

The Obamas visited the Queen three times during Barack’s eight years in office – first in April 2009, again in May 2011, and then, in April 2016; however, their first trip to Buckingham Palace included a highly controversial moment, when Michelle broke royal protocol by putting her arm around Queen Elizabeth II’s back and rubbed her shoulder.

‘We were two tired ladies oppressed by our shoes,’ she wrote. ‘I did what’s instinctive to me anytime I feel connected to a new person, which is to express my feelings outwardly. I laid a hand affectionately across her shoulder’

During a reception for G20 leaders, the former First Lady was pictured embracing the royal in a sweet gesture – and while the Queen seemed receptive of the gesture, the moment quickly made headlines – as touching the Queen is strictly prohibited.

‘It’s long been a rule that nobody but a royal should physically touch a member of the royal family, especially the Monarch,’ EvanEvansTours.com reported.

Michelle later explained in her 2018 memoir, Becoming, that the two women had bonded over wearing painful shoes, and that she did what was ‘instinctive’ to her ‘anytime she feels connected to a new person.’ 

‘Forget that she sometimes wore a diamond crown and that I’d flown to London on a presidential jet; we were two tired ladies oppressed by our shoes,’ she wrote.

‘I then did what’s instinctive to me anytime I feel connected to a new person, which is to express my feelings outwardly. I laid a hand affectionately across her shoulder.’

Michelle added that it didn’t occur to her at the time that she had committed ‘what would be deemed as an epic faux pas,’ and that the ordeal ‘revived speculation that she was generally uncouth and lacking the standard elegance of a First Lady.’

However, she continued, ‘I tried not to let the criticism rattle me. If I hadn’t done the proper thing at Buckingham Palace, I had at least done the human thing.’

And according to Michelle, she felt like the the Queen was ‘OK’ with it. She revealed, ‘I daresay the Queen was OK with it, too, because when I touched her, she only pulled closer, resting a gloved hand lightly on the small of my back.’

 Michelle added that it didn’t occur to her at the time that she had committed ‘what would be deemed as an epic faux pas,’ and that the ordeal ‘revived speculation that she was generally uncouth and lacking the standard elegance of a First Lady’

 However, she continued, ‘I tried not to let the criticism rattle me. If I hadn’t done the proper thing at Buckingham Palace, I had at least done the human thing’

 And according to Michelle, she felt like the the Queen was ‘OK’ with it. She revealed, ‘I daresay the Queen was OK with it, too, because when I touched her, she only pulled closer, resting a gloved hand lightly on the small of my back’

The Queen’s dressmaker, Angela Kelly, echoed Michelle’s sentiment in her own book, The Other Side of the Coin: The Queen, the Dresser and the Wardrobe, which dropped in 2019.

She confirmed that the Queen wasn’t offended by Michelle’s clutch, noting, ‘Much has been made about the meeting between Michelle and Her Majesty, when an instant and mutual warmth was shared between these two remarkable women.

‘Protocol was seemingly “abandoned” as they stood closely with their arms around each other’s backs. In reality, it was a natural instinct for the Queen to show affection and respect for another great woman, and really there is no protocol that must be adhered to.

‘The Queen has the ability to make everyone feel so relaxed that sometimes it feels instinctive to be tactile with her, just as Michelle Obama demonstrated during the State Visit with her husband, President Obama, in 2009.’ 

She added that ‘human kindness’ is something the Queen will ‘always welcome warmly.’

In 2019, former President Donald Trump had a similar moment with the Queen when he appeared to pat her on the back during a state banquet at Buckingham Palace

The Queen did not react in any noticeable way to Donald’s nudge and didn’t touch him back, which led many to wonder – was her warm response to Michelle’s clutch a sign of their growing special bond?

Barack later revealed in a tribute to the Queen at her platinum jubilee celebration this past June that he and Michelle had been pretty nervous ahead of their first meeting with the monarch.

‘Before I took office, Michelle and I hadn’t been to too many palaces,’ he explained. ‘So, we weren’t sure what to expect on our first trip to Buckingham. 

‘But we shouldn’t have been worried. Her Majesty put us at ease with her grace and generosity. So much so that I walked away thinking she actually reminded me a little bit of my grandmother.’

In 2019, former President Donald Trump had a similar moment with the Queen when he appeared to pat her on the back during a state banquet at Buckingham Palace. 

The Queen did not react in any noticeable way to Donald’s nudge and didn’t touch him back, which led many to wonder – was her warm response to Michelle’s clutch a sign of their growing special bond? 

Their royal sleepover: How the women bonded over ‘gossiping’ and breaking the ‘rubbish’ protocols again


The Queen threw a lavish state dinner for the Obamas in May 2011, and she invited the couple stay at Buckingham Palace for the trip. They are seen during the trip

Michelle later spoke out about the ‘sleepover,’ dishing that behind closed doors, the royals just wanted to be ‘treated normally.’ They are pictured during the trip in May 2011

‘The surprising thing is, folks wanted to be treated normally,’ she said in 2018, while reminiscing about her night spent at the palace. ‘Everybody is happy when all the people are gone. They want to be hugged. They want to be touched. They gossip’

The Queen threw a lavish state dinner for the Obamas in 2011, and she invited the couple stay at Buckingham Palace for the trip.

Michelle later spoke out about the ‘sleepover,’ dishing that behind closed doors, the royals just wanted to be ‘treated normally.’

‘The surprising thing is, folks wanted to be treated normally,’ she said at the Klick Health’s MUSE event in 2018, while reminiscing about her night spent at the palace.

‘Everybody is happy when all the people are gone. They want to be hugged. They want to be touched. They gossip.’

However, the trip did have a bit of hiccup, with Barack’s national security advisor, Ben Rhodes, revealing in his 2018 book, The World As It Is: A Memoir of the Obama White House, that Barack discovered a mouse in their sleeping corridors, but kept it a secret from Michelle due to her distain for rodents.

‘Mr. President, pardon me, there’s a mouse,’ Ben recalled a butler telling Barack right before they headed to bed. ‘We’ll try to catch it, sir.’

‘Just don’t tell the First Lady,’ Barack responded, according to the book.

In April 2016, the Obamas flew to England to visit the Queen for a third time – and things went amiss once again when the Queen broke protocol for her second time with Michelle, by asking the First Lady to sit next to her in their car.

In April 2016, the Obamas flew to England once again to visit the Queen – and things went amiss once again when the Queen broke protocol for a second time by asking Michelle to sit next to her in their car

Michelle explained in her book that every step of their travel had been pre-planned by secret service – including seating arrangements in the car – and she was supposed to sit in the front seat next to the Queen’s husband, Prince Philip

But she wrote that the Queen ‘threw a wrench into everything by gesturing for her to join her in the back seat of the Range Rover.’ Michelle recalled: ‘The Queen dismissed all the fuss with a wave of her hand. “That’s rubbish. Sit wherever you want”‘

Michelle explained in her book that every step of their travel had been pre-planned by secret service – including seating arrangements in the car – and she was supposed to sit in the front seat next to the Queen’s husband, Prince Philip, who would drive, while the Queen and Barack were to be in the rear.

But she wrote that the Queen ‘threw a wrench into everything by gesturing for her to join her in the back seat of the Range Rover.’

‘I froze, trying to remember if anyone had prepped me for this scenario, whether it was more polite to go along with it or to insist that Barack take his proper seat by her side,’ she recalled.

‘The Queen immediately picked up on my hesitation. And was having none of it. “Did they give you some rule about this?” she said, dismissing all the fuss with a wave of her hand. “That’s rubbish. Sit wherever you want.”‘

Michelle spoke about the moment again while promoting the book at the Royal Festival Hall in London, admitting that she was especially keen to adhere to royal protocol after receiving backlash for touching the Queen years earlier.

‘I had all this protocol buzzing in my head, and I was like, “Don’t trip down the stairs and don’t touch anybody, whatever you do”’ she said.

The Obama’s tributes to the Queen: How she extended ‘extraordinary warmth to their entire family’

Earlier this year, when the Queen celebrated 70 years as a royal, Michelle took to Twitter to share a sweet, congratulatory message to her, and thanked her for the ‘extraordinary warmth’ she has ‘extended to their entire family.’ They are seen in 2012

Earlier this year, when the Queen celebrated 70 years as a royal, Michelle took to Twitter to share a sweet, congratulatory message to her, while thanking her for the ‘extraordinary warmth’ she has ‘extended to their entire family.’ 

‘Congratulations to Her Majesty the Queen on a remarkable 70 years,’ she gushed. ‘From welcoming a nervous First Lady to Buckingham Palace to the extraordinary warmth she extended to our entire family, I feel deeply honored to have spent time with Her Majesty over the years.’

Barack, for his part, also paid tribute to the Queen, calling her a ‘gift’ to the world – and revealing taht she reminded him of his own grandmother.

‘When you’re president of the United States, you meet a lot of remarkable people, and you try under all circumstances to retain your composure,’ he said. ‘But that’s harder than you think when you’re visiting Her Majesty.’

Barack (seen with the Queen in 2011) has paid tribute to the Queen many times over the years. Most recently, during her platinum jubilee celebration in June, he called her a ‘gift’ to the world – and said she reminded him of his own grandmother

The former President’s grandmother Madelyn Dunham helped raise Barack from the age of 10 while his mother was working in Indonesia; she passed away in 2008.

‘I like to think Her Majesty and I have formed a special relationship of our own,’ he continued in his speech about the Queen. 

‘Certainly, I can say that getting to know her was one of the great privileges of my years in office. And I learned so much from seeing the example she set for all of us who have the privilege to serve.’

He added that her ‘life has been a gift to the United Kingdom and the people of the world,’ stating, ‘Your Majesty, it would be an understatement to say the world has changed a bit in the seven decades since you first came to power. 

‘But your character never has. Your steadfast stewardship of one of our most important democracies has made the world safer and more prosperous through war and peace, times of adversity, and times of prosperity.’

Obama concluded his message with: ‘It is with gratitude for your leadership and the kindness you’ve shown me and my family that I say: May the light of your crown continue to reign supreme.’

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