My controlling partner makes me explain every penny I spend

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner makes me account for every penny I spend and it’s making me hate him.

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He makes me show him receipts and my bank statements, like I’m a naughty child.

We’ve lived together for five years. I’m 40 and he’s 45.

I earn a decent wage of my own, but I can’t buy anything for myself without him getting angry or criticising me.

Yet he uses his cash for whatever he wants, including extending the garage to make a room for his son to use.

When I ask him why he’s so controlling over my money, he says it’s because he needs to make sure we have enough money to pay the bills.

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We argue all the time and I’m so miserable, I want to leave.

But I sold my flat and put all my savings into our home.

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DEIDRE SAYS: To control a partner through their access to funds is financial or economic abuse.

If you’re earning your own money and paying your share of the bills, you shouldn’t have to justify your own spending.


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He’s controlling your freedom and your choices, and has made it very hard for you to leave him too.

Please contact Women’s Aid ( for advice and support.

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